This is Lara and sometimes she feels deeply sad, her mind is poisoned by a lot of dark thoughts that make her miserable and destroy her self esteem.
She is a strong person but fighting with those thoughts everyday is exhausting, so is completely normal to lower the defenses and fall into a depression at some point. During her dark times, to be alive, to feel… is just painful so she only thinks to put all to an end.
The water gun could be like fear of death, a sign of weakness because it’s fake but this is wrong. The strength inside her may be forgotten BUT is still there. This is hope to make something to be proud of, hope for happiness and goals in life, hope to make others happy and help them too.
She knows that even when you think you are in the bottom of your life, better things can be made, the change is in your hands and if you work and look for it, nice things (and people) will appear to you.
Our life is a roller coaster and we can either be afraid of it or have fun with it.
So break whatever barriers you have in your mind and start doing things that you love and enjoy. With a little bit of patience and constancy you’ll be out of the darkness. The best tip to start is by achieving small goals every day. 😊😉